Water? I don't even KNOW 'er!
BalSem/Doktor's warning: This piece is a long one, you may want to print it out and read it over yom tov or something.
Water is important. no spit sperlock!
But it's really important when you're tripping, both for drinking, sweating, soaking, and, of course, as a divine metaphor.
Because, everybody knows, how many waters are there? lots. Just One. And I feel as if unified conciousness is a crucial part of the psychedelic experience. The only alternative is paranoia, and eternal war.
Water is a What at War. Or a What at World.
Your DNA is carrying the inspiration, the oil floating on the water. Psychedelics can help you alter your DNA, and grow however you want to grow, because the water in you becomes shooken up, open to all kinds of new changes. All the information and brilliance in the world is reflected through life, the only thing that perceives. And all life grew out of water.
Julius Lester shlita did a very cute version of God's War with Tehom at the beginning of creation, it's surprisingly intense! It recounts the story of how G-d had to kill the first created thing in order to create a world, and her refusal to die, to no avail, alas, but she is still trying to come back together, even as the waters above to come down so individualistically, every raindrop and snowflake it's own unique miracle.
The last Torah I ever heard from Dovid Hertzberg Z"l was that the water from above and below do come together sometimes, everytime a tzaddik cries. Have I told you that one before? It's deeper to me now. Why should a tzaddik cry? But that's when and how the above and below get bridged. I suppose a rasha laughing does the opposite?
No, because laughter doesn't make water move. That is the definition of life, "what moves water." At least water thinks so, any everyone born from her, living through and desperate with her, for her.
Laughter doesn't make water move, unless there's sweat or tears involved. Blood is a whole other trip, not all living things use blood the same way, but it's basically water a little thicker; and milk/semen, thicker still.
Oil slows things down, and even burns, it's so thick! And all living things have essencial oils, making up their Life Essence, Ojas/Jing from which they nurse and store nourish. We're all born with some---
But it started with water, at least that's how the water remembers it, and everything else that a man is made of is just what happens when water was treated with different things, like fire and spirit. This is Sepher Yetzira stuff, right? Excitement, passion, they make one sweat, and thus inspire (perspire?) water's motion, justifying the original split--
Because water only resents the split when it's stagnant, and this is the secret of Tuma water vs. Tahor water: water doesn't mind the split of creation, as long as creation is interesting enough to justify being apart. It's true about exile of every kind: we don't get homesick, as long as the Life is too interesting for the past to compell backwards--
This is also the secret of preventing or encouraging G-d's destruction of the world. As long as the world is happy being the world, destruction will not follow. One preson being happy might annoy others who feel neglected through his satisfaction, but when everyone is having fun? Then the whole world is changed forever, until, chas v' Shalom, it gets lame--
But the whirlwinds and hurricanoes don't let that happen, they come and disperse whenever it comes too close to an end to creation. "Break it up folks, there's nothing else to see here! move it along!" This is why the tower of Babel is not tolerated, nor the generation of the flood. G-d has enjoyed history, and has not yet become so contempteous of it to want to end the world. Give him a minute, let the party get lame, and we'll see--
But yeah, water is crucial when/for tripping. rave culture taught us the important of drinking enough, because when life is Alive in the unstoppable dancing way, and all physical imitations, all assumptions about how far I can go vanish, how much do I really need food? Water? But yes, water is important-- on the other hand, obsessive water drinking doesn't help if it's more than the body can handle-- about 8 ounces every ten minutes. Maybe more if you're sweating alot, but you know what? It's fun to ignore thirst sometimes, and just keep dancing. Don't let the mind and it's paranoid assumptions and obsessions about what it thinks you need get in the way of a really sacred moment. Powerful messianic occasions depend on not stopping, not looking away, not fleeing, but being willing to die for the sake of what's being revealed through you, if it's really worth it.
(you'll know right away if it is. If you're not sure, it's not.)
Water, according to Kabbalah, is just congealed light. Psychedelics have so much to do with light, that's what they open the I up to: more light. Ostensibly the light that's already there, but which the mind is set to ignore in order to focus on the wonderful world of lies.
Too much light. What's that? If you're not sure, then it's not.
This was what happened by the Four who entered Pardes, right?
(here's four commentaries on That, for those not assuming that they Know.)
"Four entered the Orchard (Pardes).
They were Ben Azzai,
"the Other" (ha, ha!)
and Rabbi Akiba.
Rabbi Akiba warned them,
'When you enter near the stones of pure marble,
do NOT say
since it is written, 'He who speaks falsehood will not be established before My eyes'' (Psalms 101:7).
Babylonian Talmud Hagigah 14b
Which, as heard by consensus at the Thursday night Zohar shiur in Jerusalem, means:
As transparent as clear water.
Do NOT say:
"'water water: is here!"
" and how can we procede?'
- Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki-Yarchi (Rashi: 1040 - 1105)
Do NOT say:This is the biggest danger with the psychedelic revelation of truth, only fear, only running.
It's TOO MUCH
The second biggest danger is the day after, once you know, relating ANY of it back without being dissmissed as crazy as Ben Zoma is:
Ben Zoma gazedWhat proved that Ben Zoma was crazy? The kind of Torah he was talking about.
and went Batshit crazy.
Regarding him it is written,
"You have found honey,
Take what you need
and let the rest pass
lest you bloat yourself and vomit it' (Proverbs 25:16)
observe his Mitzvot,
because that is what mankind is all about,"
quoted Rebbi Elazar.
The entire world
was only created
in order for such a person to come along.
Rebbi Abba Bar Kahana said:
is as important as all the rest of the world.
Shimon ben Azzai,
Shimon ben Zoma, said:
The entire world
was only created
to keep this person company. (Berachot 6b)
Ben Zoma once stood on the Temple Mount
and observed from there
a crowd of some 600,000 Jews.
"Blessed be Hashem!"
"who created all of these people
me!" (Berachot 58a)
Of course, he's kidding here, maybe, but maybe not. It's not clear which of the Torahs in his name are from before he's considered "outside." But htis is related to the secret of the water, before it splits, as it's coming back together: As far as the Water is concerned, there is only "I" and the parts of "I" not yet come back together, coming back together. This is the heart of Ben Zoma's conclusion later, the question he's meditating on to the end, why he's considered "crazy:"
R. Joshua asked Ben Zoma the defining question.The Talmud then goes on to elaborate,
This is how the Talmud (Hagiga 15a) records the event.
R. Joshua b. Hanania was standing
on the way up to the Temple Mount
when he was see-able by ben Zoma
who did not stand up in his presence.
ARE you, Ben Zoma?" asked R. Joshua.
"Envisioning, I was
between the waters above and the waters below.
There's like no distance between them!
a mere three fingers breadth!
As it is written, (Genesis 1:2) And the Spirit of God hovers over the face of the waters.
Like Like Like a dove fluttering over her offspring without touching."
R. Joshua announced to his students, "Ben Zoma is still outside."
"This is the space between the first Day of creation
And the Second day
(the splitting of the waters)
Don't tell me it's too much to think about, Ben Zoma says, everyone who ascends to Pardes says.
P.s. The Dove fluttering above is what brings The Light from Above to Below, this IS the Ruach Elokim Mirapecket al Pnei Ha Tehom. See earlier posts re: The Dove bringing Light.
But this is the problem with dosing people. If I enter Pardes, I did so willingly, and I'm the only one to blame for whatever happens to me. Someone else, if it's "too much", and they didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and aren't ready for it, then whatever they lose is on your head.
One of the great Wrongs of my life was giving a friend of mine Acid when he wasn't yet ready for it. He insisted that he wanted it! And one of the most important lessons I still need to learn is: Just because someone is trying to consent doesn't mean they are ready, and this is the secret of Statuatory Rape: Just because they're trying to consent doesn't mean they're ready.
I'm tired of quoting Talmud, leave it to say, there's a fair amount of qualifying who's ready to unveil the mysteries before: Basically, it has to be something you just can't hold back anymore, like sex, death, sin, conversion, or coming out from under the mikva water.
But yes, Dosing people without their consent doesn't tend to do so much good for them if they are unwilling or unable to face what they are about to face.
I WOULD ARGUE that neither Ben Zoma, Ben Azzai, or R Elisha Ben Abuyah count as exactly unprepared as much as having actually found that which they sought. The example of my friend goes something like this:
Me and his brother were all Chavrusas, learning partners all together in Jerusalem and elsewhere. And me and his brother had had a phenomenally successful acid trip a week earlier, one that changed us both for the gently freer and clearer on our own truths, wills, and senses of being guided or at least indulged, or at most, rooted for by myriads of spiritual forces.
And so, He was a bit jealous. Afraid to trip, exactly because he was afraid of what it would be like, he did not want to come along with us... but when he saw what tripping together did for us and our friendship, he wanted to come along. So he begged me for a while to dose him.
I refused at first, but, tickled by the idea of opening up my friend to truths about himself and his situation that none but himself could share with himself, I gave him some.
See what I've done already wrong? I HAD SPECIFIC GROWTH IN MIND FOR HIM. This is something someone cannot do for a friend, have a sense of who He is supposed to be, what he is supposed to understand. One can share his own perspective with a friend, but to assume that someone is supposed to grow a certain way? Ascend to a certain level? That's the beginning ofall the abusive relationship, that assumption that You are not who you are supposed to be yet, but with my help, you could be.
OK, maybe sometimes people do want this, to be guided and such. It's still evil to try to control too much and that's why animal breeding and forced plant cultivation can be so creepy. Ok, fine, introduce factors, try to share perspective... But assuming that others have to become certain things? This is what every teacher, every missionary does for evil.
And sure enough, his trip started well enough. But I didn't want to be around him at a certain point, disgusted with what I perceived as the shallowness of his experience ("the light! the colors! Jerusalem is so holy!") I kept trying to ditch him. To avail, he insisted on keeping near me, so did he trust me.
So fine, I started guiding him on visualizations, or should I say, unvisualizations. Quiet the mind, and let all images pass. Sit there in the darkness, and let what comes come.
I don't want to, he insisted! Can't we do something funner?
At which point I got quietly huffy, and he tried to show me that he could do what I was encouraging. And it freaked him out, quickly, how could it not? Darkness amongst darkness, someone who really did have alot of disturbing information that they were too immature to process!
He's fine now, really, but he was really flipped out for a while, stopped smoking weed, and was really angry with me for quite sometime. He forgave me eventually, but hasn't tripped since, and all his growth since then has been in very incremental stages. G-d help us all, grow safely, whatever that means.
But yes, too much water, too fast, that's alot of what the G-d we're so afraid of is and does. Psalm 29 is all about this, G-d's voice pentrating in the strong water, a flood shattering very tree in it's path. This psalm is attributed to being a description of the experience at Sinai, where a flood appeared to be coming into the world, and everyone was terrified as The Word of The Lord was about to be unveiled in it's purity--
And then he stopped, before it all poured out. In Tantra, one forstalls orgasm partially by holding the tongue to the roof of the mouth, and one can hold back words in much the same way.
Holding back words is very sad, much like holding back and orgasm, if it's something that's mutually wanted. But if something better can be sustained for everyone by holding it back just a little bit, then the party can continue a little bit longer, and no one has to get up and walk away quite so fast.
ONE OF THE MOST marvelous Mushroom trips I've ever had was also one of the most terrfying for two friends, and this one, i'm not sorry about. They got mushrooms, and I happened to be around so they dosed me too-- little did they know, i'm a fucking madman!
Ah, but if only if it were that simple. A fucking madman is easy to ignore, lock out, run away from. But a fucking madman who grounds himself in familiar, accessible fun and charm, is much more of a mindfuck.
They were eating and talking stam Shtuyios at the beginning of the trip, and then complaining abouthow it hurt. I warned them, gently, sweetly, but clearly, that they might just want to not eat for a minute, the the trip be it's own thing--- but no. People want to do what they think they want to do, and you can't tell me what's good for me, mom!
Ok, fine-- but I stay close enough to still be around, interacting psychedelically the whole time. Backing off just as soon as whatever i'm saying gets too threatening, balancing it with something fun, comforting... God dammit, if we're going to trip it shouldn't just be wuh, i'm tripping so hard, colors, ooh--- it really should be meaningful, holy, somehow. Not in any particualr way nessesarily, not because anyone else thinks so, but hey, g-d put me in the room, hahaha!
So, I played back and forth with them, balancing truth with comfot, until they locked me out of the room, which was also part of my instant plan, peak my annoyanceness enough, just enough, that she, a cute girl who I had very limited romantic chemistry with, would wind up seeking refuge in his arms, a dorky but funny guy who probably didn't get enough affection anyway. Let me be terrifying and real so that the experience of me is life changing, until it's JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH, and then yay, you still have each other to run away to and with, while I go drink my green tea and mushroom saturated Piss, and laugh at how cool I am.
Which my ego never lets me do very often when I'm sober. My ego sounds alot like my concience, keeping me reined in, and constantly reminding me that i'm nothing. It's in the ego free monets of psychedelic clarity that I stop worrying about Who I think I am and why I think I have a right to XYZ, and just let the voice come, and quiet when it's right, and speak when it's right. It's rare for me to have situations where this really feels ok sometimes, and one of the reasons I appreciate Jerusalem and shabbos so much is that a context is made where the word can come out, and who is speaking is understood as peripheral to The Message.
R Nachman of Breslov hated being revealed to the world. He was at a wedding or something, and someone gave him some wine, and he started talking, and suddenly people were listening and saying Gevalt! it's a new Rebbe for the word, and he said, Oh y Vay . Now I'm done. Now i'll never be free again.
Dancing can be the only way of relieving this messianic tension, put it into the the body, and let the confusion and terror come out, rather than letting the paranoia sink deeper and constirct you further. If you know that the word is not just about you, and your bris is strong and maintained, you can express all the truth in the world, and the fear can be shooken off on the dance floor. And furthermore, all those that see you shining then will see that you can know such a truth and still be free, and they will feel safe knowing as much and more.
Dancing is very important, yes, for tripping or not, and that's why drums and music can be so crucial. Terrence Mckenna encourages silence, stillness, sitting and holding the visonary space, but maybe that's why it all feremented into a brain tumor for him (what the fuck do I know? maybe nothing.) As far as mushrooms and acid anyway, which I experience as more full body motion things, danceable situations are very important, and if there is no music, I have to start making SOME KIND of it.
Although, if your'e doing a visionary thing, asking questions of G-d or spirit, then sitting is crucial. My earliest trips were just that: trips, walking meditations, open for human interaction-- it's easier in Jerusalem, Oregon and probably India, where people are relatively unthreaned by those walking around in sacre-trances, it happens all the time.
Ofdei adonai Yishuvun
OOh mey yesha
This is the messianic fantasy of Jerusalem in the end of days. You know what makes Jerusalem special? The water.
There's all these underground wells all over the fucking place, right there by the temple mount, and down by every exit from the city mountain. These are the places where the initiations of all the masters happend, from John the Baptist to all the Judean Kings. Baptized with secrets becoming clear both under the water, and more once they come out.
And one day, the prophesy goes, the water will pour out of Jerusalem like never before, and a certain grass will grow, nourished from that water, which will go on to nourish the four corners of the world,
and the grass that grows by that water?
It's leaves will be for healing. All the troubles, forgotten...
Yeah, yeah! The mikva is just such a great resource. For before, after or during a trip---
Well, really more before and after, unless you have the space in a given mikva to do your thing without keeping people waiting or terrifying them... but it's such a nice meditation. You guys know the mikva, right?
Pure living water, sometimes warmed,
dipped and submerged into, you can let go
close your eyes, and give up on breathing
see how long you can stay in the Holy
before you have to come up for air
gasping and desperate to breathe, and then desperate to get back in.
Different water situations provide different purifications. Lukewarm water during the day is a totally different zach than say, heated pools ever shabbos, or the much beloved and feared freezing cold water at midnight, the delight of tzaddikim.
Holy master and teacher Josh Lauffer (don't ever call him that to his face!) gave over the secret once of overcoming the fear of death.
Once, when i was nineteen, I decided, I'm just going to go do it. Once at like two in the morning, in the dead of winter, I said to myself, fine, I'm just going to get it over with. I'm going
(Lifta is the closest, biggest fresh water maayan (spring) to Jerusalem's center of town. Jerusalem is Fucking Cold in the winter, especially at night, especially near bodies of water, coming out of stone caves)
I go, and decide, i'm just going to get it done with now.
Because, i'm so afraid of dying.
So why not just jump right in and face it now, and stop worrying about it?
(and that's part of the psychedelic secret of how to use water. Tip of the melting Iceberg, but about all I can handle. did I leave anything important out? besides the mystery of Shirat ha yam, and how Miriam fits into it all? )
(next: the pre-epilogue:
Manna-mushrooms touched on, poor Miriam chose it all?, and then:
For the weblog once known as Cannabischassidis.)
An attempt to figure it out once and for all
62. They asked him: What is the meaning of the verse [with regard to Balak and Balaam] (Numbers 23:14), "And he took him to the field of the seers."? What is the "field of the seers"? As it is written (Song of Songs 7:12), "Come my beloved, let us go out to the field." Do not read Sadeh (the field), but Sidah (carriage). What is this carriage? He said, "The Heart of the Blessed Holy One." His heart said to the Blesssed Holy One, "Come my beloved, let us go out to the carriage to stroll. It will not constantly sit in one place."63. What is his heart? He said: If so, Ben Zoma is out side, and you are with him.
And, just to consider, a Snag Torah Remix
"The servant [Eliezer] ran towards her [Ribkah]" (Beresheet 24:17)
Rashi explains that
the servant ran to her because he witnessed a miracle:
the water in the well rose to her.
The Ramban explains that Rashi derives this from the later phrase, "she drew water for all his camels" (24:20). Obviously, in the previous pasuk she did not have to draw the water.
Why didn't the water also rise the second time?
At first, when Ribkah came to the well, her intention was to draw water for herself.
Hashem didn't want a sadeket to inconvenience herself and therefore caused the well water to rise so that she could fill her jug easily.
However, the second time, when she went to the well, it was for a misvah - to feed thirsty animals,
and Hashem did not want to take away part of the misvah
by making it easier for her.
Therefore, the water did not rise
and it was necessary for her to draw water for the camels. (Vedibarta Bam)